When someone you care about admits that they have issues
with substances, you may feel awkward and uncomfortable. Talking about
addiction and treatment isn’t easy. But if they came to you about their
disease, it usually means that they trust you, your opinion, and your support. In
recognition of National Recovery Month, we’ve compiled this guide to help you
navigate the conversation.
Listen, don’t talk
You may find yourself inclined to offer advice about
treatment or rehab. Make sure you know the whole story first. We all want to
ensure that our loved ones are safe and happy. But those struggling with
substance use disorder (SUD) can feel scared or nervous to seek help. It may be
hard to convince them that they need help. You may find yourself alienating
them by making them feel guilty for confiding in you. Listen to what they have
to say before jumping to conclusions about their condition.
Prepare yourself
Take a pause before you start talking with someone in depth
about their substance use disorder. Make sure to familiarize
yourself with the disease, the substances, and how they
affect people. At any time, that person may change their mind about how
they feel about sharing. They may completely change their tone regarding help
and treatment. That can be frustrating and confusing, but it could be due to
shame and guilt. You can find some resources here.
Consider your sources
When you’re researching SUD, be careful what kind of advice
you take. Be sure only to take advice from survivors, professionals, and mental
health providers. You can visit family
support groups,
community centers, and read about addiction to get a better grasp of what
they’re struggling with. There are risks in taking the advice of someone who
isn’t educated on the topic. You’re not only spreading private information, but
you also may hear a lot of misinformation. Here are some topics that you may
want to consider researching:
Be patient
Helping someone with substance use disorder can be
difficult, but patience is necessary. One minute they may admit that they need
help, but then deny it later. Regardless of how they process their own disease,
you can’t force them to do something that they aren’t ready to do. The recovery
process can only begin once they have accepted their condition and take action
to get better. If they’ve told you they need help, encourage them gently using
their own words. Remind them of what they’ve already told you. You want to help
them come to their own conclusions to avoid pushing them away. Demonstrating
concern is the empathetic approach to encouraging someone to seek help. It
avoids making them feel guilty or burdensome.
Be empathetic
Substance use disorder is often fueled by shame,
guilt, and self-loathing. That means when you’re talking with
someone suffering from addiction, it’s crucial that you don’t
fuel those feelings. One of the most important aspects of being there for
someone struggling with SUD is to maintain empathy. Know that they’re still in
there, struggling to stay afloat—they need you. Try to
separate the human from the disease. Convey your faith in them and their
ability to recover. Fighting, shaming, and begging will only cause them to pull
away more. It may result in loss of trust, alienation, and damage to your
relationship.
Hold them accountable
While you shouldn’t blame someone for having SUD, you can still hold them
accountable. Don’t protect them from the consequences of their actions.
This kind of behavior may seem supportive and positive at first. But it’s
enabling and can make the situation worse. If you find that they’re
backsliding, try using general questions, neutral suggestions, or “I statements.”
Some examples of general questions are:
- “Do you feel like you’re self-isolating?”
- “I haven’t heard from you in a while, are you
ok? Do you need anything?”
- “Do you feel like you’ve been spending a lot on
alcohol lately?”
- “Aren’t you worried you might be hungover
tomorrow?”
- “Want to go for a walk before we drive home?”
Some examples of neutral suggestions are:
- “Let’s get tea instead”
- “You have to drive home soon. Let’s switch to
water”
- “Let’s walk to the store and get a snack before
you head home”
These kinds of interactions can help them avoid triggers,
reduce backslides, and face the effect that their addiction has on their own
reality.
Some examples
of “I statements” are:
- “I am worried about you because…,”
- “I feel hurt when…,”
- “I miss how things used to be”
- “I don’t like how this feels because…,”
- “I feel unseen and unheard”
- “I’m worried I’m losing you”
- “I’m scared for your safety”
- “I want to help fix things between us”
- “I feel like you’re pulling away.”
These kinds of interactions can help them think about the
situation from a different perspective to better understand how their actions
may be affecting those they love.
Maintain your own boundaries
Substance use disorder can be chaotic and all-consuming for everyone.
That’s why you need to establish your own healthy boundaries to look out for
your own well-being. It’s OK to ask for space or say that you can’t talk about
it right now. It’ll be easier to remain
empathetic and level-headed when talking to them if you’ve taken your own
needs into consideration. To help remember your boundaries, it may be
beneficial to write them down. Include a list of topics that are off limits.
Practicing self-care is important while you support your loved one through
their SUD.
Discuss their options
It’s not an easy decision to seek treatment. As someone they
trust, your loved one may want to talk to you about their options. During a
conversation like this, let them lead so you they can tell you what they need
and how they want to proceed. There are many forms of treatment that
aren’t rehab. Someone suffering from SUD may find individual counseling
sessions or support groups the least intimidating option. You can gently guide the
conversation to help them accept that they need help. If they’re not serious
about getting better and continue to make unhealthy choices, it may be time for
an intervention. Interventions can be a helpful tool when someone is having
trouble facing the realities of their substance use disorder. When
planned and run properly, they can motivate those in denial.
Encourage professional help
Remember that you’re not responsible for your loved one’s treatment,
and you’re not alone. There are many resources at your disposal that you can use
or relay to them. For example, if you don’t have the emotional capacity to help
them along their journey, you may benefit from some professional assistance.
Professional interventionists can coach you and your loved ones through the
intervention process. Professional counselors can be a very helpful resource to
both you and your loved one with SUD. Don’t lose hope—recovery
is always possible.
SUD healthcare support
Good intentions, education, patience, and
empathy can help you navigate tough conversations with someone struggling with
SUD. Premera provides access to professionals on-demand to help them with their
condition. Boulder and Workit Health are two behavioral health providers that
are accessible to group members. They’re completely virtual. That means they
can be contacted anywhere, anytime directly from a smart phone. Each program
specializes in SUD and features different approaches to treatment and support. They
also provide resources for 100% remote rehabilitation, counseling, and
medication-based treatment. Premera also offers in-person access to high
quality, top-rated professionals at brick-and-mortar locations. Learn more
about our mental
health offerings here.
Recommend Premera
If a dependent or fellow Premera member has approached you
about their substance use disorder, find out about what treatment benefits are
included in your plan.
- Sign into your account on premera.com to:
- Go to the Premera mobile app to:
- Find a provider. In Find care, search for
Addiction Medicine or Substance Use.
- Connect to virtual care. In Find care, go to
Virtual care services.
Getting help is only a few clicks away.